Today I had a colonoscopy. This is nothing new, I have had them before, and they always find polyps. My Grandfather died from colon cancer, so this is why I started getting screened in my mid to late 20's.
They always find polyps.
My next one is going to be in three years, so I will be 53 then, and totally used to the process that is colonoscopy. FYI Jake, you need to prep for two days. Srsly.
I bought a book called "3000 Things About Me," and I want to attempt to answer one question per day as part of my self care exercise. This starts TODAY 2.21.2024...
2.21.2024: Question One - 2999 more to go!
WHAT IS MY IDEA OF PERFECT HAPPINESS?
Perfect happiness would be a relatively new concept for me, as I can recall brief moments in time that I felt like there was no care in the world and nothing at all to worry about. Here as of late I am afraid to fail, I am afraid to stop pushing myself hard academically, and I for some reason feel as if I do not do enough.
I try to read the required text, but sometimes fall short and have to have it read to me by my text to speech engine. I enjoy listening and counting the times that program mispronounces words.
Perfect happiness would be freedom from barriers, worry, and confllct. I have not known that in my life. I think that perfect happiness is a subjective and elusive concept that can vary from person to person. It generally refers to a state of being completely content, fulfilled, and free from any negative emotions or concerns. While it may be difficult to achieve a state of perfect happiness permanently, many individuals can experience fleeting moments of happiness and contentment in their lives.
In your description, you mentioned brief moments when you felt like there were no cares in the world and nothing to worry about. These moments can be seen as glimpses of happiness, where you were able to temporarily let go of your concerns and enjoy a sense of freedom. However, it's important to recognize that life is inherently filled with challenges, responsibilities, and occasional setbacks. Striving for a life completely devoid of barriers, worry, and conflict may not be realistic or attainable in the long term.
It's natural to have fears and concerns, such as the fear of failure or the pressure to constantly push yourself academically. These feelings can stem from various sources, including societal expectations, personal aspirations, or a desire for self-improvement. While ambition and a drive for success can be positive motivators, it's essential to find a balance and avoid putting excessive pressure on yourself. Learning to set realistic goals, practicing self-compassion, and seeking support from others can help alleviate some of these fears and create a healthier mindset.
It's also worth noting that perfection is an unattainable standard, and constantly feeling like you're not doing enough can be mentally and emotionally draining. Remember that it's okay to have limitations, make mistakes, and ask for help when needed. Happiness is often found in accepting and appreciating yourself as you are, rather than constantly striving for an idealized version of perfection.
Ultimately, the pursuit of perfect happiness should be seen as a journey rather than a destination. It involves finding a sense of fulfillment, purpose, and joy in the present moment, despite the inevitable challenges and imperfections of life. It can be helpful to focus on cultivating positive emotions, nurturing relationships, engaging in activities that bring you joy, and practicing gratitude for the things you have.
Until tomorrow, this has been 3000 of 2999.
Love,
Jake
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